I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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