She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
