i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
