My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
