shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
