shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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