you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
