I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
