I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
