clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
