I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I didn't notice because vodka
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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