We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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