New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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