so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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