A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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