Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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