You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
