he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i dont even know how to be here
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
