I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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