But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
