Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
