wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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