Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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