going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
