I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
