seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
