There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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