i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
only you would photoshop your dick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
