tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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