Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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