there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
