My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My bed smells like the plague
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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