Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
