i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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