it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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