I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
