Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
