can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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