i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
