just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
