So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
