I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
