I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
