If i come over, it means nothing
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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