Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
