hotel room ftw
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
