Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
