I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
