apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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