i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
