Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
