it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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