What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
